'you Take This Old Stuff, Bought For Peanuts, Put It On A Phone And Suddenly It's New And Sexy'

THANK YOU FOR buying a new-generation mobile phone. You'll find your phone is packed with features you do not need and did not ask for. Best of all, it has internet connectivity. Make one mistake as you are scrolling through your "options", trying to order pizza, and you'll be uploading animal porn from the Dominican Republic at a price of $20 a donkey.

If Howard Is An Old Dog, Rudd Gets A Donkey Vote

IT IS a question that was briefly popular at job interviews in the think-outside-the-square corporate environment of the 1980s: If you were an animal, which animal would you be?